Two new memoirs challenge society’s deep-seated aversion to ugliness. Journalist Stephanie Fairyington and poet Moshtari Hilal each claim the label “ugly” to explore its cultural weight. Their work presents a stark contrast to online “looksmaxxers” who pursue extreme measures for conventional beauty.
Both authors dissect the origins of their perceived ugliness, tracing it to childhood taunts. For Hilal, an Afghan-born woman in Germany, it was features deemed “too Arabic.” For Fairyington, a butch lesbian, it was a rejection of feminine norms. Their families often pressured them to conform, highlighting how ugliness is frequently assigned to markers of otherness.
The books delve into the troubling history linking appearance with morality. Hilal examines how plastic surgery evolved to erase ethnic traits and how pseudoscience falsely connected facial features to criminality. These biases, they argue, still shape who society considers ugly or evil.
Reclaiming the word “ugly” proves complex. Fairyington notes that people, especially women, often rush to contradict her self-description. This reflex, she suggests, avoids confronting a harsh reality many face. The central question becomes whether adopting this label can be an act of defiance or merely internalized hatred.
Personal relationships test their philosophies. Hilal writes of “cheating on herself” with an idealized version. Fairyington fears her ugliness makes her less lovable to her daughter. Their confidence wavers, revealing the persistent sting of societal judgment.
Aging introduces a new layer of difficulty. Hilal is dismayed when a photo revives old insecurities despite her intellectual work. She grapples with the ultimate “ugliness” society fears: the mortal, declining body. This leads her to advocate for a “politic of ugly and magnificence” that celebrates non-normative forms.
Ultimately, these memoirs suggest that embracing ugliness means accepting human vulnerability. While the looksmaxxers chase an antiseptic, immortal ideal, Hilal and Fairyington propose a different path. Reconciling with ugliness may be an honest acknowledgment of a body that will one day die.